Being a pop star is a serious job. You can’t just walk through the door and get started. You need to have a proper interview first. This month’s applicant is Marsicans drummer Matthew ‘Cale’ McHale. The board will see you now.
What can you tell us about yourself?
Hi, I’m Cale. I drum. I named my dog “Hendrix” after the guitarist and recently waxed my shoulders, which is the most painful thing I’ve done.
Why do you want to be a pop star?
So that one day I can follow in Britney’s footsteps and shave my head bald. Also, to own my own Boeing 747 like Iron Maiden.
How would your bandmates describe you?
Weird, out there, spontaneous, devilishly beautiful, a liar, the hairiest in the band, weird.
What are your best and worst qualities?
Best: Confident and driven.
Worst: I occasionally like chilling by myself, which can seem anti-social. Also, swearing (the ‘C’ word).
What is your biggest failure?
A-level Physics. Don’t do that shit unless you have an urge to self-destruct.
What accomplishment are you most proud of?
I’ve made some pretty good beer pong shots, scored a hat trick on my debut, lost my virginity… but I suppose the proudest is getting a shit load of kids down to our shows, jumping to our music. It’s a good feeling, especially when I used to be the one going to shows and jumping around to other bands.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Me and *insert best-looking actress in five years’ time here* have just had a date, looking over *insert best view in five years’ time here*, drinking the finest can of special brew a Yorkshireman can buy from *insert cheapest local shop in five years’ time here*.
What is your salary expectation?
Some bloody ciders. You’ve no idea how hard it is to get bloody ciders on the bloody gig rider. I know way more people drink beer but, c’mon, I want my salary to start and end in cider. CIDERRRRRRR. So… when do I start being a pop star?
Taken from the May issue of Dork – order a copy or subscribe below. Marsicans are playing Dork’s stage at The Great Escape on Thursday, 17th May at Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar, Brighton.